The huge amount of information and misinformation on the internet can either make you or break you. In my case, I cannot help my brain going crazy and think of funny things in reply to all that I have seen on the internet as well as in real life. I believe that to truly enjoy the rabbit hobby, we have to stop being too anal about it. In other words, we must “chill” and stop taking things too seriously. It is the ability to take a step back and laugh at some of the things that we do in life that enables us to have a great time. And it is on that note, this blog post was made possible. I really had a good time writing this piece which I know may not go down well with some people. For those who care to share a light hearted moment, I hope you will have a hearty laugh.
The traffic situation here afforded me the time to craft this entry. As I juggle with focusing my attention on the road, my mind carefully picked all the right and wrong words to be included in this blog post. However, I must warn you that I cannot be too careful with my words else it will not make this satirical piece a good one. I came to realization that such a post is only possible because I am not totally immersed and into it (the hobby) too deep that it will affect my livelihood without it. Being too into anything is a form of addiction and a drug addict without his or her fix can be crazy enough to kill. I am happy that life is quite balanced for me and grateful to be sober enough to write what I hope is a funny piece.
Having had watched a number of rabbit judges at rabbit shows, I cannot help but to put myself in their shoes and think about what I would say or not say differently. Or perhaps, to say that what he or she truly means and not use tons of wonderful or bombastic words but in the end, says nothing. As we play multiple roles in life, I too imagined (not necessarily aspired to be) myself being a rabbit judge. I wondered what I would say when addressing the exhibitors just before I start judging. It was through this imagination, that this disclaimer notice was born…
My dear exhibitors, breeders, hobbyists, and friends, I would like to thank you for your participation and making this event happen through your generous funding. I am honoured to be invited to be your judge today. I can assure you that the hotel was pretty awesome, you have afforded me to travel around the globe and given a choice, I wouldn’t be here on my own expense. I will ensure that you will get your entry fees’ worth by trying to spend more time going through each and every one of your rabbits. I know it is hard but I will try to also ensure that I do not put my foot into my own mouth by contradicting myself while judging your otherwise beautiful rabbits. Please allow me to be brutally honest and not sugar coat what I am going to say about your rabbits. Most often than not, I must not make politically correct statements lest be flamed on social media such as f@cebuk and tweedle-tweed-twee right after the show. May I ask that you will never forget that every judge have his or her personal preferences in each breed while upholding what has been specified in the Standard Of Perfection. I will try my level best to judge each rabbit in accordance to the best of my understanding and memories of such standards.
Since time can be a constraint, please understand that the duration in which your rabbits will be in front of me should or should not be made an indication of its favourable or unfavourable standings in this competition. Also due to the time constraint, do accept the fact that my judgements where measurements are required are solely based on my ability to guesstimate and please do not take me to court for guesstimating the various lengths and weights on your rabbits inaccurately.
While you stay engaged, immersed, indulged, and totally have your eyes on the ribbons, please leave room for a little consciousness and awareness so that you will not run amok if I may mistakenly not select your rabbit for any of the awards. Rest assured, it is totally unintentional (but you could have brought me out for fine dining last evening and now it is too late). What you must also know is that I had a blast last evening and I am so very grateful to my hosts. Picking their rabbits should not be made an issue as I am usually fair and just. Rest assured, I am totally professional as well.
Last but not least, please remember that we are all here having fun at the expense of our rabbits. They are lucky to have survived this long under your care and it is truly their lives we are celebrating today.
Now that I have said all that I can to cover my sorry ass, let the show begin (and be over with) and the (already identified) champ be crowned!
Oh what a judge I would be…